I’m So Vain!

Hello friends,

Today finds me still in a lot of discomfort from this sciatica which has been going on for more than a week with no real relief in sight. I’m limiting my mobility and icing my hip which has helped a bit but then its back (literally!) I did have to do a few errands which proved to be more of a test of my vanity than stocking up with some survival food.

Off to the store for a quick stop. Inside of a minute or two attempting to do a bit of grocery shopping, I was almost to my knees. If I didn’t need a few sweet essentials, I would have crawled back to my car and drove home. While hanging onto the cart for dear life to keep myself upright and not to make myself too much of a spectacle, I did have a light bulb moment. Why not take advantage of the mobile scooter w/basket offered as a courtesy of the grocery store and do my shopping sitting down??? What a brilliant idea! I hobbled myself back to the vestibule of the store where the scooter was parked. “Boy, is this a good idea”, I thought to myself…”genius”.

Well, have you ever really taken a hard look at these things? This is a huge, monstrous contraption with a control panel liking to that of a super sonic jet and a basket attached to the front that could whirl off a baby hippo for a joy ride. Again, I thought, “Boy, is this a good idea…..NOT”. One look at this gizmo death trap and I began to have second thoughts. Creating attention to myself with moans and groans and the occasional yelp would be embarrassing enough but the vision of myself crashing into the toilet paper display, landing on the floor surrounded by personal toilet tissue rolls….well, that would just be beyond humiliating. I stood there gazing at this scooter, weighing the pros and cons of its use and decided that I would rather be slightly embarrassed by my persistent cries of distress as I walked the aisles hanging on to my cart with a death grip then totally wiping out in the paper goods aisle and perhaps causing great damage to the scooter and most certainly adding to the frustration of the poor stock person who spent hours towering the toilet paper into a pyramid rivaling those of Egypt. I opted to forgo my genius thought, suck it up, suffer through the aisles and save myself total humiliation. Well, tell that to the checkout cashier, Judy. At first she displayed a look of concern on her face, then it turned to dazed and confused and finally ended up with a “Boy this is the weirdest customer I’ve had all day” look. I think she may have been afraid to ask me if I had a problem or needed help and I don’t blame her. That would have surely opened a can of worms. I can’t imagine what may have been going through her mind but that was a road I didn’t want to travel. I put on a fake smile, said thanks and hanging my head in shame for failing to keep my composure, I made it back to my car, loaded it up (still moaning and groaning) and drove myself home. What seemed to be hours later, I pulled into my driveway I looked up at the 8 stairs I had to lug all these bags up and into the house. I did have another genius idea. Leave everything in the car and wait for someone to come home to bring everything inside…..NOT!! Good thing I remembered my milk and more importantly my ice cream. Don’t think either would have fared well in the 100+ degree weather that day. So you can probably guess the rest. After what seemed to be the errand trip from hell, dying of the heat, dying of the pain, I managed to get my ice pack and crawl onto the sofa where I collapsed. Of course, then I was faced with another dilemma: Do I use the ice pack for my hot and sweaty brow or the excruciating pain in my hip. Guess where the ice pack landed!!!

Oh, better days will soon be here,


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2 Responses to I’m So Vain!

  1. Lois says:

    Hi Linda
    Could no-one else do the shopping for you? Next question, why do you only have 1 ice pack? Since I broke my ankle I have about 6 ice packs in the freezer, so you know what you have put on your next shopping list don’t you.

  2. Jenn says:

    Ma if I can scooter around in one you can too. The worst is when you are 9 months pregnant and filled your cart only to realize you have to pee. And the cart is one that lifts in the front not one that you slip into. Yes that happened to me.

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